Monday, March 30, 2015

When Your Friends Hurt (Part Two)

The Backdrop

Please see Part One for the full story.

Within 30 minutes of hanging up with our friends' pastor, who bore the unenviable yet sacred job of conveying terrible news to several people, we had booked a one-way ticket for my husband. He also called his parents to notify them that we likely would need their help soon. We discussed what, how, and when to tell our children that their friend was gone. We went to bed but lay sleepless or restless all night.

The next morning he left for the airport before the kids awakened. I bluffed my way through the breakfast routine and dropped them off as usual, then returned home to face my next tasks: how to get to South Carolina myself. With four kids and a weekend of activities, plus school the next week, I could not just jet off at will.

But then...

The church showed up. Not just those in my local place of worship, but family and friends and colleagues who recognized our need and stepped in to help. Each one was able to help in a specific way, AND THEY DID. Not one person shrugged off.

Thank You


1. My in-laws (MIL and FIL for these purposes): We called Thursday night, knowing that the following morning my sister-in-law was scheduled to deliver her firstborn. Granny is always on call when a baby arrives. This is fact in most families, yes? But she and FIL rearranged their weekend plans to cover for our children, taking turns when necessary, cooking for a small army, overseeing homework, carpooling to football practice, attending church and Bible drill, carpooling to and from school. My FIL in particular got a first-hand look at my daily routine, as MIL eventually joined my SIL to help with the baby. For four solid days he kept up with four loud, energetic kids. We are so grateful for their care...they allowed us to focus on our friends and not worry about our kids back home.

Flying home over Dallas, TX
2. I texted my friend Erin just to share the news. She checked in with me Friday morning, and only then did it occur to me that maybe she could help. Specifically with an airline ticket, since her husband flies for a regional airline. We've done it before for more pleasant outings, but it had not even crossed my mind the previous night. So thanks to her, and her hubby, I flew out Saturday morning (direct!), then home again several days later. They also were able to get my hubby home as well. This saved us hundreds of dollars, no small gift!

3. Sometime on Friday I realized that we were supposed to teach our BFG (Sunday school) class that weekend. One quick note to Bruce Q, who with his wife, Lynn, helps direct our class, and we were covered there. Praise God he was in town, available, and willing.

4. My hubby is a junior high principal in a small town north of Dallas, TX. He called, but had to leave a message for, his superintendent shortly after we received the news. His assistant principal easily stepped in for Friday, but his "supe" eased his mind by graciously encouraging him to go, stay as needed, miss the Monday board meeting, and let his AP cover. Knowing the pressure at work was off allowed him to focus on being all there, unburdened by worries at home.

5. Emotional and prayer support: Seriously, I don't even know if I can name everyone who inquired with sensitivity, texted to say they were praying, cried with us, called to express their sadness for us--because they knew we were grieving as friends as well as grieving for friends. So thank you to all who reached out personally, and you who prayed but didn't say anything. We felt the love.

6. In South Carolina itself, we saw the local church spring into action with efficiency, grace, and affection. Two, maybe three, local churches worked together to coordinate meals, the memorial service, activities for the siblings, pastoral leadership for the parents. It was truly incredible to watch how NewSpring Church, in particular, handled the details of a large, youth-themed funeral service. Jeremy in Greenwood, we appreciate the way you loved on our people. You will make a great campus pastor!

No Gift Too Small


The Bible speaks of spiritual gifts and services within the church. In 1 Corinthians 12: 4-7 we read, "Now there are varieties of gifts but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good." 

A bit later, verse 27, "Now you [plural, as in y'all] are the body of Christ and individually members of it." 

So, collectively, believers comprise the body of Christ, which we more commonly call the church. Individually, each of us has a specific role to play, empowered and enabled by the Lord himself. It can look "spiritual," as in teaching, helping, administrating, and all that. And it can look practical, too, as in babysitting, cooking, sitting with, listening, praying, carpooling, mowing, arranging flights, creating videos, playing "bouncer" to visitors ...

No gift is too small. Each one contributes to the need. Each one is a blessing. Each one shows love. If each one of us will respond with our particular gift or ability, the church will show the world what true love really is.

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things... So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." (1 Cor 13: 7,13)

Friday, March 27, 2015

When Your Friends Hurt (Part One)

This week the story in Luke 5, in which the friends of the paralyzed man got creative when he needed to see Jesus, speaks to me. No, it shouts at me. "This is your life! Today you are one of the friends. One day you will be the cripple." 

The Paralytic's Friends


The scene shows friends carrying a paralyzed man on his stretcher to the house where Jesus is teaching. Realizing the doorway was blocked and the room too crowded to push through, they refusing to take no for an answer. They climbed up to the flat roof and cut a hole in it so they could lower their friend into Jesus' presence. Owner and crowd be damned, they were going to get that man within reach of the Healer (Luke 5:18-20).

I like those friends. I want to be like that. I don't really want to be the paralyzed guy, but sometimes crap happens, and we are crippled by what life throws at us. Simple math, however, tells us that we will more often be supporting someone else in their trials.

"Our" couple


To paraphrase Shrek, relationships are like onions -- they  have layers. Strangers, acquaintances, friends, family, friends-like-family. Each kind meets a need in one's life and can be a blessing.

When my hubby and I first met, his best friend was married to a girl I worked with. A year later we married, and they had already morphed into "our" couple--unique friends that every new couple needs. Not his, not hers, but "ours." And then they moved away. Like, back to the East Coast where their family lived.

The nerve.

What I thought was terrible (and it was!) caused us to be intentional. We all had other important friends in our lives, but we didn't want this one to fade away. Since we couldn't see each other often, we began vacationing together annually.

As the children came along--four for them, four for us--they became special to one another as well. We send birthday and Christmas boxes to each other. For 17 years, we have driven or flown a thousand miles to share summer vacations, special events, and difficult seasons with one another. We once left our kids with various grandparents and went on a cruise to celebrate my and my hubby's 10th anniversary (see photo). Just 10 days ago we confirmed our upcoming visit to see them in June. They qualify as "friends-like-family" standard after all these years.

So last week when their pastor called to tell us that their oldest son had died that night, we moved heaven and earth to get to them. The only question was "How fast can we get there?"

Carrying the Mat


When my stepfather died years ago, many friends hurt on my behalf. Sometimes you just can't drop everything and travel like that, so you reach out at other times and in other ways. A few friends were able to attend the service, and I remember that feeling of gratitude that someone was there for me. In a tangible way they helped carry me.

This week it was our turn. We were privileged to be allowed in, to be invited to come close. I think we maybe held up one corner of "the mat" together, by just showing up.

Did we fix anything? Ha. As if that were even possible. All we could really do was be there. Such an inadequate feeling. But it's comforting to know that Jesus thought it fitting when his friend Lazarus died. He wept with Mary and Martha.

We listened and cried and prayed. We are still doing that. We loved that boy, too. My husband did laundry one day (did it even occur to me? Again I say Ha!). We kept them company, provided a diversion. I think we were just safe people for them.

Eventually we had to return home to our family, our regular responsibilities. But they are well loved, with others continuing to hold them up. Limited by distance, we text them (or their local friends to coordinate goodies, share concerns, etc), call (or leave voice mail), and pray (constantly). They know their Healer loves them and is even now working to comfort and heal.

The Village


We were not able to fly cross-country within hours of the news without considerable help. We needed our own support system.

In part two, I'll share more about those who enabled us to go.

Two Final Thoughts


First, if ever or whenever someone dear to you comes into suffering of any sort, err on the side of reaching out as opposed to doing nothing. You will know the dynamics of your relationship and what's appropriate. But don't let fear cause you to step back when they desperately need friends to step in.

Second, and on a lighter note, I want to ask you about your friendships. If you are married, do you have an "our" couple -- friends that you did not inherit from your spouse? How have you managed long-distance friendships? Share your creative solutions to the challenge to maintaining long-term friendships.

And a request: please pray for our friends. Even if you read this blog post randomly a year or more from now, they'll still need your prayers.

Monday, February 23, 2015

How To Catch a Prince

Book reviewers face many dangers, most of them related to their sleep cycles and pocketbooks. While usually authors or publishers provide reviewers with free copies in exchange for honest reviews, the problem arises when the reviewer loves the book so much that she proceeds to go online and purchase the rest of that author's works.

I wouldn't know anything about that.

...

Okay, that's a joke.

After reviewing Rachel Hauck's modern fairytale, Once Upon a Prince, I donated to her retirement/grocery/coffee fund through purchases of every one of her previous books. I then bought (at retail price!) the second installment of her Royal Wedding Series, Princess Ever After.

Since then, I've kept my eye out for the third and final book of the series. Followed her on Twitter and Facebook, then signed up to join her launch team. All so I could introduce my friends to Rachel and her loveable royal characters. If you enjoy contemporary, inspirational fiction—with a heavy side of royalty and humor—make plans to pick up your copy of How to Catch a Prince.

Available to the general public tomorrow, February 24, 2015. I posted this review on Goodreads:

"Rachel Hauck wraps up her Royal Wedding series with a witty yet poignant, modern yet historical, sweet yet sassy love story between Prince Stephen and heiress Corina del Rey. When the movie about King Stephen I, lauded ancestor to the current Brighton royal family, debuts, Corina's editor sends her to scoop an interview with the star—and anything else she can uncover. But Corina's hiding a secret, one that a visit to Brighton will threaten. Prince Stephen, nursing an injured ankle and a wounded soul, must confront his past before he can truly move on with his future. Together, they emit sparks, both witty and romantic. The author adds some mystical elements which actually work (i.e., they aren't corny), while the heavy themes of war, loss, and forgiveness give this romance an unusual depth and reality. It's always good to see King Nathaniel and his American queen, Susanna, of course, and other secondary characters fill out the story quite nicely. Sometimes trilogies lose their momentum, but Brighton's story wraps up with a satisfying flourish!"

And yes, I stayed up way too late reading my pdf review copy, and I plan to lighten my wallet a bit with a paperback copy. Perhaps you should too?


*Affiliate links included.

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Everything New Again

After three years working full time with FaithVillage.com, and six months helping a nonprofit book house get started, this mama/writer/editor finds herself back home as a freelancer. I remember the days of writing blogs and books, editing magazines and books, reading and reviewing novels, and chasing toddlers. I happily anticipate resuming three out of those four habits.

No more toddlers here. (sniff ... fist pump!)

We've gone from this (2010)...


to this (late 2014)



It's amazing what change four years has wrought. Next fall, our oldest will start high school, and our youngest begins Kindergarten.

On the same day.

I might need therapy that morning. Lattes and chocolate donations will be accepted.

But in the meantime, I plan to build my freelance business, writing new projects, editing others' manuscripts, coaching new authors on how to proceed with the publication process, and more. To that end, I've created a new Facebook page and a simple website. If you haven't already, please go check them out and 'like' the FB page. You won't be overloaded with content, I promise.

I will add more features to the website over time, including an RSS button, likely a newsletter sign up, occasional giveaways, and photos.

If you or someone you know needs an editor, co-writer, or publishing coach, I would be grateful for your referral.

And now back to mama-land, cheering on my girl in her basketball game. Happy weekend, friends!






Tuesday, June 24, 2014

2014 Christy Awards Presented

Last night in Atlanta, the fifteenth annual Christy Awards ceremony honored and promoted books that reflect excellence in Christian fiction. I keep up with these because I've been a Christy judge and have a particular affection for Christian fiction.

In a fun "my worlds are colliding" event, the keynote address was given by my Publisher's Weekly editor Marcia Z. Nelson, who assigns me (and others) Christian fiction for review. Author Davis Bunn emceed the event and was himself inducted into the Christy Hall of Fame in honor of his having won four Christys over the years.

And the 2014 Christy Award winners are:

•Book of the Year: Burning Sky by Lori Benton (WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group)

•Contemporary: Stones for Bread by Christa Parrish (Thomas Nelson, a division of Harper Collins Christian Publishing)


•Contemporary Romance/Suspense: Dangerous Passage by Lisa Harris (Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group)


•Contemporary Series: Take a Chance on Me by Susan May Warren (Tyndale House Publishers)


•First Novel: Burning Sky by Lori Benton (WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group)


•Historical: Burning Sky by Lori Benton (WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group)


•Historical Romance: Harvest of Gold by Tessa Afshar (River North, an imprint of Moody Publishing)


•Suspense: Outlaw by Ted Dekker (Center Street, a division of Hachette Book Group)


•Visionary: Dragonwitch by Anne Elisabeth Stengl (Bethany House Publishers, a division of Baker Publishing Group)


•Christy Award Hall of Fame Inductee: Davis Bunn (4 Christys)

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Memorial Day Observed

Monday, my husband and I took the children and my mother (in town for a visit) out to the Dallas—Ft. Worth National Cemetery to attend the annual Memorial Day ceremony. It became obvious very quickly that we were first-timers ... the car line stretched about a half-mile outside the gates, then another half-mile down the main road to a makeshift parking lot. (Note to self: next year, wake up early, bring chairs and snacks...)

We joined hundreds of others gathered to hear Texas Attorney General (and candidate for governor) Greg Abbott give the keynote speech, listen to the impressive bagpiper play Amazing Grace, watch the Knights of Columbus lay a large wreath, and be jolted by the 21-gun salute brought to us by a Marine division on three Howitzer guns.
Surrounding us were hundreds of perfectly lined grave markers bearing the name, rank, dates, awards and faith symbols of the military veterans who had died. Some died at a nice old age, but on many we read "KIA." The saddest, to me, were those with a blank spot where the faith symbol was usually placed. 

Did you know?

  • Burial in a national cemetery is open to all members of the armed forces and Veterans who have met minimum active duty service requirements and were discharged under conditions other than dishonorable. 
  • Eligible spouses, widows or widowers may also be eligible for burial, even if they predecease the Veteran. Their names are engraved on the back side of the marker. When the veteran dies, the stone is turned around so that the veteran's information faces frontward.
  • Reservists who die while on active duty or while performing training duty, or were eligible for retired pay, may also be eligible for burial.
  • A veteran's placement within the cemetery is based on date of death (not service or rank). So sections can be measured by the years on the death date, but the veterans may have served in any of the conflicts.
  • On each stone is engraved the deceased's name, rank, birth and death dates, faith symbol, one chosen award if applicable, conflict arena (Korea, Iraq, Vietnam, WWII, etc),  possibly their division, and a brief epitaph.
  • Memorial Day pays tribute to those who lost their lives in combat, whereas Veteran's Day honors all veterans, living or dead.
  • Memorial Day started a couple of years after the Civil War as "Decoration Day" when officials and family members would decorate the graves of fallen soldiers with flowers. 
  • The National Moment of Remembrance encourages all Americans to pause wherever they are at 3 p.m. local time on Memorial Day for a minute of silence to remember and honor those who have died in service to the nation. 

My husband and I reflected that, amazingly, we have not been personally touched by the death of an active-duty serviceman. We know and love many veterans—active, reserve, former, and retired—but none killed in action.

But many at the ceremony were there for very personal reasons. As the ceremony concluded and we all trudged back up the hill to our cars, then waited in the slow-but-friendly line that snaked out of the many makeshift parking lots, we noticed small clusters of people gathered here and there among the gravesites. Each stone had received a small American flag, but some sported patriotic red, white, and blue flower arrangements. Families and friends hugged, cried, tended to the mementos placed by their loved one's name, told stories. 

We spent the majority of our day off driving to/from and observing the respectful remembrance of our ultimate servants. Time well spent.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Words That Changed My World—a Guest Post

So, are you shocked to see another post so soon? Me, too. But this is just a tease. My writing friend Bronwyn Lea, who humors me when I ask to hear her lovely South African accent, invited me to guest post for her series, Words That Changed My World. I had been mulling over two options for several weeks, until recent events made clear which one to write about. Here's a sneak peek— be sure to click through for the full post.

Last week

Last week my family was touched by three significant events, all involving death of some kind. First, our elderly dog passed away in his sleep. (Do not discount the copious tears that I, more than any other in the family, shed. I had no idea I would be so heartbroken. See here for that story.)

A few days later, in his role as a chaplain for the Texas State Guard, my husband performed the funeral for the son of one of his guardsmen. The 13-year-old had accidentally overdosed himself.

The next evening, my Facebook feed blew up with the news that Christy, one of my childhood friends, had passed away in her sleep the night before. Our age. Unexplained. 

To read the rest, visit Bronwyn's Corner.